Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Argenhot of the Week !


Oh how I want to be your Romeo, Julieta. That's right, this week's Argenhot of the Week is none other than 28-year-old PorteƱa sensation Julieta Prandi. She was first discovered at some low-end casting in Martinez in 1998, her senior year of high school (how hot is THAT?), and her career took off from there. She's been on a bunch of garbage TV shows down here making guest appearances, but her true successes came as a bikini and high fashion model. One lil' fun fact you probably didn't know; she has written over 150 poems, due for publication in her own compiled works poetry book later this year. She's also now the co-host of an Argentine TV show called "Zapping". Applaudi per Prandi !!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

La Plata



I´m going to describe my investment strategy that I think could work for other expats, and try keep it simple. Basically, I´m betting on the price of silver going up while also expecting the price real estate to go down. I want to sell silver after some paradigmn changing events come to pass and buy some land from Argentines who are willing to haggle down because they need the money. I think land is the best thing to own provided you´re willing to live on it and do some work with your hands, I think that if you don´t have the freedom to grow your own food, you aren´t really free.

In the spirit of keeping this simple, first the practical stuff, you can get exposure to the price of silver in three ways:

- first you could go to one of the jewelers near Tribunales and ask to buy some plata "para inversion" and they´ll sell you a physical piece of metal, I think everyone hold some physical metal in case all the electronic systems break under the weight of their own fiction. Just think of it as saving money for the long term, the idea is you´d take this down to a bank when banks are in dire need of solid assets and they´d pay you a lot more than you bought it for.

- second, you could buy SLV through a stock account, SLV is an exchange-traded fund that supposedly holds silver, when people buy more shares of the fund the fund buys more silver to keep things level. If you already have a stock trading account, this is an easy thing to do, you don´t have to pay much over the spot price of silver like you would in a jewelry store and you can sell really easily.

- third, you could get really aggressive and play Silver Futures, with leverage! I have an account with OANDA where I can bet with as little as one virtual ounce, if you have a couple hundred bucks or so and you want to work with that, OANDA is your best option. Lets say you have $137 bucks in there with a 10:1 margin, that means you could buy $1370 worth of "silver" and let it ride, if silver goes up 10% from there you´d double your money. If silver increases 5 times over you´d have fifty times your money. If you want your account balance insured and you want an exchange-traded instrument, you should get a Futures account with Tradestation or Interactive Brokers, you´ll need at least 5k, preferably closer to 10k for that. When trading with leverage, you shouldn´t fire off all your ammo at once, buy conservatively on the dips and set orders above prior peaks to automaticallly buy bigger chuncks. I like to use a pyramid pattern, buy 1 chunk, then set an order to buy 4 chunks above a prior peak, then 3 chuncks above the next peak, then 2 above the next, then 1, then let her ride.

Now that I´ve established the how, I´ll address the why.

Basically all the paper money we use is based on fantasy. Money as we know it is a pyramid scheme. Governments go into debt with Central Banks for say, 10 bucks, that 10 bucks is lent out to commercial banks ten times over, so now you´ve got 100 bucks out there, those banks can make a bunch of loans to each other and multiply the money another 10 times, so that 10 bucks is now 1000 bucks. Most money exists electronically, the cash you take out of an ATM is only a small fraction of the money supply, if more than 10% of bank deposits were withdrawn the rest of the money would evaporate. Argentines get this more than Yanquis because it actually happened here, tipo multiple times boludo. So you´ve got this risk of everything imploding all the time, and on the other hand you´ve got this constant pull to keep increasing the money supply with more debt, because the previous debt has interest attached, and that interest has to come from new money to get paid. The pyramid keeps expanding, money gets tied up in paying interest, prices rise.



The peso went into hyperinflation three times in the 80s, 10,000 pesos got stamped as 10 australes, then like a year later 10,000 australes got replaced for 10 pesos, then they did the 1:1 peg with the dollar, which lead to more inflation by 2001, and then the banking system collapsed. People who held gold and silver during this time were able to take it down to the bank and get cash to buy food or pay rent. Paper you can print, metal you can only dig up.

The dollar is the biggest pyramid scheme ever, it has funded uncounted invasions and coups, along with bood jobs, private jets and the purchase of Argentina´s best assets. That scheme, like all others of its kind, will collapse, it is just a matter of when. For decades time was bought for the system by wrangling oil deals with the Saudis, and also by supressing the price of gold and silver so people would buy stocks and Treasury bonds instead. The way that you supress prices is buy selling what you don´t have, called "short selling", big banks that are in arms with the government can short sell without even borrowing the stuff, this is called "naked short selling" even though its mostly hidden.

Usually when you short sell you want to buy at a lower price to even the score and pocket the difference, but if your game is to support a global financial empire, you might just keep these positions open, because buying up enough gold and silver to return what you borrowed would raise the price. If the price of gold gets bought up by hedge funds, Indian wedding planners, scared doctors and redneck survivalists, the US government can just bail out the banks that are short. But the US govt. doesn´t own any silver. Also, silver has a lot of medical and industrial uses, there is less of it than gold, its cheaper so you can buy some even if you only got like 20 bucks, and its historically cheap. In the Roman times 12 ounces of silver got you an ounce of gold, during the British empire the ratio was closer to 20. Right now its like 75 or 80 and the highest the ratio has ever been as 100, when these metals were at their historic lows. Just holding this stuff you´re allowing yourself a 5x return on investment, while gold maybe has 2x in it. Leveraging you could do extremely well, provided you don´t fumble the ball, which is the big "if" with leverage.

Lastly, land right now is fucking ridiculous in Argentina, people are asking fourty dollars per square meter for a small plot in Cordoba last I checked online, something like fifty grand for a whole hectare, if you´re willing to spend close to a million dollars you could get down to like 3k a hectare, but sheesh man, you´d have to be stupidly hopeful to think that all those people are going to sell for those prices. Argentina´s economy goes through these hysterical cycles of shock and awe, crash and boom, wild and wet, not unlike dating an Argentina. Because real estate is the only thing Argentines see as a reliable investment, it tends to react in a delay to this cycle, so while Argentina is already in a recession the quoted real estate is still living in 2005. Once people start really hurting for cash and the flow of foreign currency gets tight, they will lower prices.

Let me put it this way, I´m not trying to predict the future, I´m just trying to ride it. I like people and thats why I´m trying to tell you how to avoid getting thrown off. If things recover and we get iPod living with the growing jobs and all that, cool, adelante, your silver investment won´t go to 0. If we´re in the eye of the global economic hurricane, then you´ll be able to turn your silver investment into enough cash to buy some land at lower prices. Or at least you´ll have some shiny stuff to look at.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dating Emergency 101: An Argentine Woman's Perspective


by Antonia Cossia

“Oh, yes, I am the great pretender; pretend that I’m doing well. My need is such, I pretend too much; I’m lonely, but no one can tell” -Freddy Mercury


Spare me some of your attention and I will try to explain just how many argentine women have become just as beautiful as sentimentally complex. For most men, falling for one of us can be an amazing experience. Either amazingly wonderful or amazingly rocky.

Most of the complications come because some of us are scared to death to show how we feel, just in case the man in front of us plays us for fools because “we are too easy”, or leaves because “it’s too much” for them. That is, of course, in case they even explain why they’re going away.

Ever since we’re old enough for make up and high heels we have to deal with pretty much the same awkward situations any other girl has to deal with anywhere else in the world: first period, first bra, first date…

There are a few differences when it comes to social pressure: for example, Argentina has one of the highest rates of eating disorder cases, mostly among young women (by that I mean girl from the age of 12 to 18).

When it comes to argentine men, I honestly cannot explain what it is that they have inside their head, so I will not bore you with dull hesitation. Some of them will speak honestly about their feelings, some of the won’t and most of them will say exactly what they don’t want to say, but will say it for the sake of not looking undermined in front of their peers.

Argentine women, on the other end... We cannot make up our mind. Either because we are proud creatures, or highly prejudiced; because of fear, shyness or because we are still hung up on a previous relationship and we are oblivious to the man we have in front of us.

Whatever the reason may seem, a man needs to know patience is always a key to getting where they want to be. We will try and keep you guessing, and create some mystery, and in the end you were either “picked” or not: we knew the answer all along; we were simply making sure you were “worth it”.

Hesitation is our specialty, no doubt about it. I must be honest: no matter how tough we want to show ourselves, we are all just hoping the “gaucho” will eventually use his brains and notice how we could turn the amazingly rocky into amazingly wonderful. Again, it’s all a matter of making sure we won’t be wasting our feelings, our time and so on and so forth.

Found any contradictions yet? I bet you have.


*

E. G. Hesitation, a one act play by an argie-female:

I cannot believe this is happening to me, but it IS happening to me. I am checking my emails every 2 minutes and I am glancing at my msn account every 4 seconds (not joking, situation is critical). I can’t smile, can’t tell jokes and I can barely eat (which is outrageous for my standards).

This never happened to me before, I promise. I’m having second thoughts for the first time in my life: Is he ever going to talk to me again? Does he even care about me? Was this whole “thing” one big fat bogus in my head? Why can’t he just talk to me?!

Funny thing is: I am usually the smart-pants who will either lecture or “pick up the mess” when a guy dumps one of my friends. Yet this time around, I find myself writing about how bad one can feel when things go wrong with someone you particularly cared about.

Let me try and put it in words: I feel… sad, ok, then anxious, the sad again, barely ok, a little less anxious… and sad again. I cry a bit, smile very little, smile a little more… and cry another bit. There is nothing any friend, sister or anyone can tell that will make me feel better. Word.

And by now, I don’t know if I am being stupid, if I was even more stupid in the past, or if he is being a complete bastard because he is not talking to me. Or maybe I disserve it. Now, that cannot be it, right?

See, I messed things up from the start. I let him sweep me of my feet… and then I let my big mouth get in the way. I kept the “just a flirt/just sex” speech far too long, and played along as if nothing meant anything to me other than an occasional meeting.

I was dishonest, but not to him: I cheated on myself by forcing to believe my own speech. I practically ate my own garbage! And I fed him the same thing until he was stuffed and ready to go. Even if he was only in for fun, with all the more reason I should have made it clear I wanted more.

Maybe I still do, but please do not let him know.

All of those “coulda’ shoulda’ woulda’” are completely useless now. They are “Drama Queen” material. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is none other than typical argenhot behaviour.

Lovely feeling, this lovesick thing, right?

Monday, July 20, 2009

Dia de Amigo


"Feliz dia de amigo" scrawls mercilessly across the news feeds of my facebook account. Complete with poems from girls, gushing soliloquies of personal memories, and vague whimsical compliments, you immediately realize that for Argentines this day is a big deal. And although it does have a sort of hallmark-esque cheesiness to it, the sentiment is dead serious. But to fully understand why, you need to understand the concept of friendship through the eyes of an Argentine.

Argentines, as you may have read in previous posts, are extremely passionate people. And the camaraderie between friends and family is no exception. For starters, look at how they greet each other. A hug and a kiss on one cheek. And that's for EVERYONE. Whether it's your first time meeting someone, or saying hi to an old friend, that's how it works. And it's very important. In fact, at times it's pretty annoying. When you walk into a room, you often have to go around kissing and hugging 10 or more people. But if you don't, it's insulting. Guys, girls, doesn't matter. That's how you greet. Even if you are busy doing something, you stop, and greet everyone. A hand wave or a thumbs up just don't cut it.

Now, I do realize that friendship as a general term is universal, but there's something about the depth and seriousness of how people treat friends here that is unique. Look at the tradition of drinking Yerba Mate, an Argentine staple beverage. The routine is simple. One person serves the mate and passes it in one direction, much like a joint, until the recipient finishes the entire cup. When it's done, it gets passed back to the server, refilled, and passed to the next one up. This goes on for the entire process, sometimes hours. It's a basic concept of sharing that really identifies the concept of Argentine friendship. And it's the same way with food, booze, weed, whatever. If you eat in front of someone without food, you offer them some, ALWAYS.

Taking the concept even further, many Argentines extend the same sharing concept as far as to let you stay in their house, borrow something from them, or help you find a job. And you don't even really need to know someone that well to get these courtesies. I've so far crashed about 3 times at the house of a security officer who works next door to me because we went out for beers and the train to my house wasn't running yet. But it's not like he tossed me a blanket and told me to hit the floor. No. All 3 times, the guy has set me up in the bed in his son's room, moved his son to the couch, and even went so far as to have his wife prepare full-scale roasted chicken feasts when I woke up. I don't even know the guy's last name, but I'm a guest of honor after a few late night beers. The crazy thing is, down here, that's the norm.

It's not to say that there aren't the same universal issues with friendship down here. Sure, there's betrayal, phonies, acting distant, being a douche and ditching your buddies for your lame girlfriend. All that happens here just like anywhere else. True friendship, however, runs deeper than the Rio de la Plata, and it's a big factor that makes Argentina a beautiful place to live. I mean shit, how else would you be able to get through the hyper-inflation, crazy hot chicks, low wages, and corrupt political system if it weren't for the strong bond of friendship.

I like this holiday, and you should too, even if you're not down here. So do yourself a favor, tell your friends you love them, buy the first round tonight, and plant a hug and a kiss on your co-worker, even if it's awkward. I'm going to hug some Argenhots, write a few sappy text messages, and spend time with my adopted family of crazy locals. Gringo. Out.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Argenhot of the Week !


It's been two painstakingly long weeks since you last gazed upon some barely-dressed Argenculo. And morally I can't let that slide without feeling just a little guilty. So this week you get two, and neither have the last name Attias.

Your first cup of piping-hot Argengreatness is Ms. Zaira Nara from Belgrano. Until recently, Zaira was better known for a sex tape scandal involving her sister, Wanda Nara. Wanda, a famous vedette who once dated Maradona, rose to Argentine notoriety when she leaked a tape of her blowing (and apparently she was good at it) some Argendouche all over the internet. Past sins forgiven for her sister's mistakes, Zaira has carved out her own career as a top model and TV personality. She is now leading a major campaign for Pantene, as well as hosting a morning CHILDRENS TELEVISION PROGRAM......Yes, that's right. Children. Anyway, enough about that. Let thy Mate gourd runneth over with a heavy pour of her ample hotness.

Ok. I lied about the "neither have the last name Attias" thing. Sorry, can't help it, this family has Spartan-esque genes. So, here's sister number 3 (there are 4 in total). Honestly, with all that's mentioned above, I think I need to change barrios and head up to Belgrano. There must be something in the water. Gaze into those deep brown eyes, start hating your life, tell your boss to suck it, and move down here. Gov. Sanford did, and who can blame him. Everyone loves that Atti-Ass ;) Gringo. Out.

Citric: Jugo of The Gods



Sometimes you´ve got to appreciate the simpler things in life, and the native joys of the place you live. Living in South America, you´ve got to appreciate that here, fruit grows on trees, and that makes for some delicious juices. Citric is an exception in this country, a business that sells a pure, awesome, delicious product for a reasonable price. While The Coca-Cola Company wants to sell you boxes of from-concentrate, juice-like beverage with 30% fruit in it, these hombres are 100% exprimido, pulp and everything. Not only is the orange juice on the par of premium Florida product, but at Tucuman prices, they also make Pomelo juice, Lime juice and Lemonade. Haven´t tasted the last two but the Pomelo is bright pink, none of this washed out beige coloring you´re used to, and the taste is just real. All the hype about organic, relocalization, eating right, its just words compared to the taste of this goodness.

I am in no way paid by the company that makes these juices, I´m coming from a genuine angle that this stuff is integral to the good life in Argentina. Drink it and become immortal, if only for a few minutes.