Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Memorable Quotes from 2009


It's been a while since my last post, but being out of Argentina has given me a lot of time to think about some of the funnier things people have said to me or I've overheard over the past year or so. In honor of my first post of 2010, here's a list of the best quotes that I can remember. Enjoy:



Me:
"Donde esta calle Paraguay?", Clerk: "Para que?", Me: "Paraguay", Clerk: "Para, no entiendo."

Diego:
"I need you to pick up a package from the Israeli embassy in NY", Me: "Why? What is it?", Diego: "Don't worry about why. We'll just say it's a wrist watch."

Anonymous:
"You're stupid for carrying weed on you. It's really easy to get busted.", Me: "But you've got 4 grams of coke in your pocket!!!", Anonymous: "Yeah, but if I get stopped I can swallow it quicker and there's no smell."

Evil Flor:
"Can you buy me a Jansport bag when you go back to the US?", Me: "You threw me out on the street, made me homeless, and started dating a customer of mine. And you want me to do you a favor?", Evil Flor: "Never mind. I didn't think you paid attention to little details. I'll get one online."

Fernando:
"Este no es un Chino. Es Japones", Me: "Por que?", Fernando: "Porque los Japoneses tienen ojos mas Chino que los Chinos, viste?"

Pepe:
"Buenos Aires tiene la mejor pizza del mundo. Es la verdad. Me fui a Sweden."

Mini Flor:
"I like you, but I'm not sexually attracted to you. It's not that I won't have sex with you, but it's going to take a while. Can I buy you a beer at least?"

Yenon: "I been to your country to work. Very different than Israel.", Me: "Where did you go? What did you do?", Yenon: "I lived in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Sold Dead Sea salt to fat black women who yelled a lot.", Me: "How was that?", Yenon: "Traumatic."

Brendan:
"I tried to find you at the bar last night, but you guys were closed early.", Me: "So what did you do instead?", Brendan: "Some Venezuelan guy payed me to get naked on film and dance around with some whores in a club nearby. I think I punched the Muppet and then blacked out. You guys should stay open later on Thursday."

Fernando: "I'm a communist, so of course I support Chavez, Morales, and all of the leaders who support the rights of the people and the workers.", Me: "What about Kim Jong Il?", Fernando: "Who's that?"

Me: "I have to leave work a bit early tonight.", Diego: "Why?", Me: "There's a Colombian locked in my room, and I want to make sure she has enough water."

Bar Customer:
"I hate America. No, really, I do. I even cheered on 9/11. But you seem pretty cool. You have facebook?"

Marcelo:
"Do they eat chicken in the US?"

American Hostel Hippie:
"You know that bag of Doritos you're eating represents everything that's wrong with corporate consumerism penetrating the developing countries in Latin America?" Me: "Dude, you travel with a desktop computer and a 23-inch monitor." American Hostel Hippie: "Yeah, but only so I can blog about economic and social inequality. I serve a purpose."

Lisa: "I swear to God, in Germany, the salt is much saltier."

Semester Abroad Student:
"They suck at speaking Spanish down here, man. Trust me, I'm from California."

Me: "Your boobs are fantastic." Anonymous: "I know. My Grandma bought them for me."


That's all for now. Happy New Year.